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The Real Reason Your Cat Chooses You Over Your Husband at Night

reviewed by a veterinary box

One of the many reasons why animal lovers are drawn to cats is their curious and independent nature. However, cats are also very affectionate and loving. So it’s extremely surprising when you ask, “Why does my cat sleep with me and not my husband?”.

But what if your cat is curling up to you and only you at night, and not your partner? Are you the favorite? Is that even a thing? Well, cats are known for picking favorites, and they even do it when sleeping next to their owners. It’s more common than you think, so don’t feel guilty if you’re the chosen one.

However, if you aren’t the one your cat is running to for a bedtime story and forehead kisses, here’s your chance to finally understand why. So get ready to learn all the facts about why cats sleep on you and your partner.

cat scratches man in bed why does my cat sleep with me and not my husband


Why Does My Cat Sleep on Me and Not My Husband?

From seeking warmth to having that safe space where they feel at home, it’s time to dig deep into this peculiar cat behavior.

How Do Cats Choose Who to Sleep With?

It’s important to note that cats prioritize their safety and comfort, especially when it comes to their long hours of sleep. They usually tend to favor the partner who facilitates these needs.

This behavior is also known as Pet Favoritism. It occurs when a shared pet exhibits a preference for one partner over the other.

But before you and your partner start jumping to any conclusions, you should first establish if your cat chooses to sleep with you or just likes that specific spot. A simple switch of sleeping arrangements for the night between you and your partner should help make the answer clear.

If your kitty usually sleeps by your feet and you switch sides with your partner and the perfect purrer stays. Then they simply really like that spot on the bed.

Then again, if you find your cat sleeping with you no matter where you rest your head at night, it might be one of the following reasons or all of them.

cat with paw near owner in bed

1. Cats Love a Warm Spot

To be honest, who doesn’t? Even humans can bask in the warmth of the sun for hours. Cats do the same and seek warm sleeping spots. You may even spot them pulling their cat pad from one corner of the house to another.

For example, your cat might find a spot in the house with direct sunshine and mark it as their favorite sleeping area. One side of the bed may be better shielded from the cold at night. Cats have a higher body temperature than humans, so they naturally seek out warm spots to maintain their optimal temperature.

Perhaps your side of the bed is further from the window, which can bring chilly winds at night. This could be one of the reasons why your cat may choose to sleep on one particular side of the bed. Therefore, giving the impression that they have a favorite.

But there’s another twist in the tale. According to a study by Pfizer, women’s body temperature can be slightly higher than men’s, around 0.4°F more. So, it could simply be that your body is warmer.

2. Cats Love Comfort & Safety

Aside from felines being self-sufficient, they are also very particular in their choice of a place to sleep. In most cases, cats have a three-point list of the criteria they need before they get their beauty sleep. They seek comfort, calmness, and safety. This is one of the main reasons cats sleep in a ball position.

Your cat might feel uncomfortable if your husband is a snorer who tosses and turns or wakes up several times during the night. Your cat might feel unsafe sleeping close to them because of their unpredictability.

In some cases, traumatic or other past experiences e.g. with previous owners and other people might influence a cat’s reaction to e.g. men.

tabby cat asleep in blanket

3. Does It Make Sense for Your Cat to Sleep With You?

It could just be a matter of logistics. Your cat may have noticed that there is more space on your side of the bed. If you sleep closest to the wall, some kitties prefer to sleep there because it makes them feel safe and secure.

As safety is important, your side of the bed might give your cat the vantage point they need to feel calm. If your side of the bed is closer to the door, your cat has a direct emergency exit point.

Generally, this is also why they sleep at the foot of the bed. Your furry friend is simply a careful strategist.

4. Are You Their Safety Net?

If you find your cat spending a lot of the time sleeping on your chest or close to you, this probably means that you offer them the calmness they seek. Perhaps your cat views you as the authority of the house and the person who could protect them.

It doesn’t mean they don’t love your partner. It simply means that you are their ‘next of kin.’ They will run to you first to keep them safe if anything happens.

Maybe your feline companion isn’t as comfortable around your partner as they are with you. Cats can be wary of certain people, especially if your partner is reserved.

Keep in mind that most cats will match the energy that is given to them. So, both you and your partner must be mindful of your behavior towards them.

5. Natural Instincts

Your cat may use their instinct from time to time, which leads them to choose their habitats in a way that increases their chances of survival. These choices are tied to their ancestry and genetic makeup. And are hardly influenced by behavioral training.

Cats can express their natural territorial behaviors in various ways. It includes spraying when not neutered, scratching surfaces, and exchanging their scent.

Sleeping with you might be one of these behaviors. Just like a cat will rub their face against you to share its scent, sharing the bed with you might be part of its pack language. Cats might also be more inclined to sleep with someone they perceive as better able to provide resources like food.

6. Fondness or Attachment

There is also a high probability that your cat may have grown fond of someone who spends more time at home. If you work from home and your partner does not, you are likely the one who feeds and cuddles the fluffball most of the time.

woman asleep with grey cat in her arms from a distance

7. Do Cats Sleep With Their Favorite Person?

There are many reasons why cats will choose one partner over the other. Often, it’s not even a choice but natural gravitation.

It may just boil down to you having more playtime with your cat. You may feed and provide the attention they need while your partner is away. By the time your partner returns, your cat might need their attention less.

Spending the night next to you might also be a way of showing how much they appreciate you caring for them throughout the day. But just because your cat chooses to sleep with you and not your partner, it doesn’t mean they love them less or not at all.

The unique ways your cat shows affection to your partner might be different. Some kitties might prefer to play with one partner but cuddle and sleep with the other.

woman asleep on bed with arm reached out to cat

Should the Cat Sleep Between Me and My Husband?

Whether you’re the partner who gets all the love and affection or not, it’s important to consider the pros and cons of sharing your bed with your cat. Below are a few things to keep in mind.


Sleeping with your furry companion is a sign that your cat trusts you. Additionally, many pet owners have claimed that sleeping with their pets benefited their mental state. It reduced their anxiety and stress and deepened their sense of companionship.

Another positive to sleeping with your cat is that cuddling can release oxytocin, the “love” hormone. With so much love in the air and your cat’s soothing techniques, you’ll have a stress-free sleep.

What about that auditory stimulation? Some people listen to crashing waves or nature sounds to help them fall asleep. But luckily for you, the sounds of a purring cat work just as well. Not only does this express that your cat is happy, but they are also helping you meditate.

One last positive is that it can help you notice the sleeping positions of your sick cat. That’s right; there are certain sleeping positions a cat makes to help soothe them when sick. So, having them close by can help you notice these behaviors.

ginger cat asleep on red cushion


On the other hand, sleeping with your cat could be the reason you’re not getting enough sleep. Light sleepers and people who suffer from insomnia are more likely to be disturbed by their cat’s presence and night activity. So if your partner is one of them, perhaps not sleeping with your cat is a better choice.

Cats are great at escaping danger, but the anxiety of possibly rolling over and forgetting they’re there can be anxiety-inducing. As it turns out, this kind of stress is quite common. A 2014 Australian study found that it took longer for pet owners to fall asleep, and they woke up more tired because of it.

Lastly, because cats tend to shed quite a lot, cat hair and dandruff could cause allergic symptoms to flare up. To be safe, make your bedroom a no-go zone. But if you can’t do without your lovable kitty, some hypoallergenic cat breeds can resolve that allergy issue.

NB: Sharing a bed with a pet can increase the risk of transmitting zoonotic diseases.

white cat asleep in human bed with coffee

How to Change Your Cat’s Sleeping Behavior

The best way to change your kitty’s behavior is to encourage your husband to take a more active interest in the cat’s life. Your partner should look to feed the cat more frequently and spend time every day grooming your cat, too.

This method should help your cat build positive associations with the less favored partner. And over time, it may lead to your cat happily sleeping with them.

If you ask, “Why does my cat sleep between me and my husband?” it may be because you and your partner already have that equal relationship with your fluff muffin.

tabby cat asleep with paws outstretched

FAQs: Why Does My Cat Sleep on Me and Not My Partner?

That’s the crux of the question, but you may have more pressing questions to ask. So here are some answers to the most asked questions.

Why Does My Cat Wake Me Up But Not My Husband?

Cats waking you up and not your partner? In short, your kitty may be getting you to wake up because they need something from you.u003cbru003eAs the person that usually feeds them, you may just be getting the brunt of your kitty’s wake-up call so they can get their breakfast. 

Why Does My Cat Sleep With My Husband and Not Me?

If your furry friend is sleeping with your partner and not you, it may simply be for the same reasons mentioned above.

Why Do Cats Only Sleep With One Person?

Cats are generally very social creatures; just like humans, they’ll have a best friend. This person is usually the one who cares for them the most and gives them the most amount of love and attention.u003cbru003eCats love reciprocating affection, so if your cat always sleeps on you and only you, it’s because you’re simply that special someone in their life.

ginger cat asleep in bed with paws up

Final Thoughts on Why Your Cat Only Sleeps With One Person?

It’s important to treat your cat as part of the family and as an individual. Allow them to decide on where to sleep for the night.

Sometimes, owners unconsciously pressure their pets to choose which of their parents to sleep beside. Perhaps your cat didn’t want to choose one particular person, but that person chose the kitty.

On the other hand, you may prefer to keep your bedroom to yourselves. Offer your feline companion a comfy cat bed alternative to establish an equilibrium.

Sleeping with your cat is one of the most wonderful things in the world. But, it should never create turmoil between two pet parents or cause stress to your cat. After all, cats can show their love in many ways, so don’t limit it to just this one.

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