People have certain affectionate expectations when they adopt a cat—I know all about it!
When you first took your cat home, you were probably dreaming about all the times she’d greet you at the door. You may have been fantasizing about the moment she’ll jump on your lap and curl into your chest. Or, maybe you were waiting for her to rub against your leg every time you got close.
If your cat isn’t doing any of that, I have some bad and good news for you.
The bad news is that your cat is probably not feeling a strong bond with you. The good news is that you can easily fix that by making some minor changes. Here are 10 ways to improve your relationship with your cat:
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1. Learn Your Cat’s Language
Your cat won’t speak to you, but she’ll communicate with you through behavior and body language. If you manage to understand what common moves mean and how your cat is currently feeling, you’ll be better able to provide what she needs.
Here are some common behaviors and what they mean:
- Slow blinking: When your cat slowly blinks at you, it’s a sign that she’s relaxed and safe. You can attempt to blink back occasionally and see if you’ll get one in return.
- High tail: Cats usually hold their tails up high when they’re happy and in the mood for socialization. That may be a good time to attempt to be affectionate.
- Head butting: If your cat is head butting you, it means she wants to be petted or stroked. Start by scratching behind your cat’s ears, then move on to her chin. Over time, you’ll recognize her favorite moves.
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2. Work on Quality Time
Though cats are mostly independent and unlikely to spend most of their day with their owners, they still need some quality time. If you don’t spend enough time playing with your cat, grooming her, or giving her treats, your bond may not get far.
A lot of cats enjoy being groomed and pampered, so you may try that occasionally. Cats with long hair usually need grooming daily, but you can start doing it every couple of days to test the waters.
Aside from grooming, your quality time with your cat may be all about treating. You can give her an occasional treat to build trust.
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3. Socialize With Your Cat
It’s important to work on socialization with your cat, especially if you’ve just brought her home. Introduce her gently to any other pets, and if there are kids around, make sure to teach them to be gentle around the cat.
Take your cat to meet new people, and make sure she can always hide when she feels uncomfortable. That way, she’ll grow to trust you more.
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4. Get on Your Cat’s Level
If your cat isn’t jumping up on counters to spend more time closer to you, it may be time to get on her level instead. Spend more time on the floor and try to be eye-to-eye with her. You can do it during playtime or while feeding her.
Over time, she’ll learn to meet you halfway on counters and tabletops.
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5. Let the Cat Have Her Own Pace
Cats don’t trust those around them easily—they need time to assess their surroundings and decide if they’re trustworthy. That’s why it’s important to let your cat have her own pace when introducing someone or establishing a new routine.
Watch your cat carefully and see how she reacts. If she needs some time, let her be. Don’t attempt to force her into something because it’ll backfire.
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6. Be Available and Accessible
No matter how busy you are, you need to dedicate some time to your cat. Cats aren’t that low-maintenance—they still need affection and desire your company.
I’d recommend placing your cat’s favorite pillow in your lap and letting her nap on it. After some time of doing that, the cat will jump on your lap with or without a pillow. When she learns that you’re always accessible, she’ll grow to love you more and want to spend more time with you.
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7. Commit to Playtime
To improve your relationship with your cat, make sure to commit to playtime daily. Set aside a few minutes or an hour for a play session, and try to learn what your cat’s favorite game is. All cats love playtime if given a chance—this will make your cat excited to spend more time with you.
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8. Consider Your Cat’s Dietary Preferences
If you don’t like broccoli, you wouldn’t want someone to serve it to you every day, right?
The same goes for cats. They have dietary preferences just like we do, and it’s important to try to learn what your cat prefers.
Some cats prefer dry food, while some cats hate it. Some cats also get fussy easily with their food, so always offer a variety of different tastes until you learn about your cat’s preferences.
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9. Don’t Make Assumptions
Most cat owners make the mistake of assuming. Here’s something you need to know: never assume when it comes to your cat!
Just because your old cat loved to be petted on the head, that doesn’t mean your new cat will love it too.
Likewise, don’t assume that your cat knows what you’re thinking or knows what not to do around the house. Arm yourself with some patience and work on familiarizing your cat with everything without making assumptions.
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10. Reward, But Don’t Punish
Unlike humans, cats don’t understand the concept of punishment. So, while rewards are the way to go when your cat does something good, punishment isn’t the right route to take when she does something wrong.
Instead, try to distract her with something else. It’s easy to get a cat’s attention if you know what she likes. Or, you may use verbal commands, like shouting a ‘no,’ but don’t attempt to actually punish the cat.
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11. Use Your Voice Regularly
Talking to your cat may feel silly at first, but vocal interaction helps build trust and familiarity. Cats can recognize their owner’s voice and tone, and regular chatting—whether it’s saying their name, greeting them, or narrating your day—can make them feel acknowledged and emotionally connected.
12. Create a Consistent Routine
Cats are creatures of habit and thrive when they know what to expect. Feeding, playtime, and quiet cuddles at roughly the same times each day help your cat feel secure, which naturally deepens their comfort and bond with you.
13. Give Your Cat Choices
Letting your cat choose where to sit, which toy to play with, or when to engage empowers them. Offering freedom within structure shows you respect their independence—and nothing earns a cat’s trust faster than mutual respect.
14. Learn Their Favorite Petting Spots
Every cat has a unique preference for where and how they like to be touched. Some love chin scratches, others prefer gentle strokes down their back. Observing their body language and adjusting your affection style accordingly builds physical trust and emotional closeness.
15. Create a Safe Hideaway Just for Them
Give your cat a cozy, quiet space where they can retreat when overwhelmed. Whether it’s a soft bed in a closet or a window perch with a view, having a dedicated zone to decompress shows your cat you understand their need for boundaries—and makes them feel safe and loved.v
The Final Verdict
Though cats can take some time to warm up to their owners, they’re easy to please—contrary to common misconceptions!
All your cat needs is some quality time with you and some effort on your part to understand her preferences. If you give her the food she loves, make time for playtime sessions, and let her explore the world at her own pace, your bond will grow stronger.
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10 Things Your Cat Will Never Forgive
Cats have a great memory, especially when remembering bad experiences. While still up for debate, most experts believe felines can retain memories for 15 to 20 years!
This practical capability helps them in the wild and allows them to form long-term bonds, recall useful information, and (yes) even hold grudges.
In short, if you’re a first-time fur mom or dad, it’s crucial to remain on their good side, lest you incur the feline’s wrath!
So, here are 10 things your cat will never forgive and you should never do. Some of these are seemingly harmless mistakes, yet have a lasting impact on your cat’s well-being and your relationship.
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10 Myths About Cats You Should Stop Believing
As a long-time cat owner, I’ve found that many of my friends often have misconceptions about cats. Unfortunately, new cat parents may encounter problems because of misinformation on the internet.
Today, we’ll discuss ten myths about cats that you should stop believing. You’ll be surprised by just how much you didn’t know about your feline companion!
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10 Everyday Things That Hurt Your Cat’s Feelings
Think your cat’s upset? Well, it probably is!
Cats can get annoyed, bored, freaked out, or totally zen. Believe it or not, they can also feel hurt. Yep, our feline friends are more sensitive than we realize.
So, here are 10 everyday things that hurt your cat’s feelings, so you’ll know how to avoid them.
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Amanda created and owns The Discerning Cat. A lifelong cat lover she is the proud parent of two Siberian cats, Alexei and Vladimir. She is passionate about understanding cats and different cat breeds.