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Why Does My Cat Sleep With Me and Not My Husband? (2023) 7 Reasons

One of the many reasons why animal lovers are drawn to cats is their curious and independent nature. However, that’s only one side to their personality. Cats are also very affectionate and loving. Many new kitty parents may be surprised to learn that their cat wants to curl up next to them at night.

But what if your cat is curling up to you and only you at night? And not your partner? Are you the favorite? Is that even a thing? Well, cats are known for picking favorites, and they even do it in their sleep. It’s more common than you think, so do not feel guilty if you’re the chosen one.

However, if you aren’t the one your cat is running to for a bedtime story and forehead kisses, here’s your chance to finally understand why. You can find the most common reasons for this cat sleeping behavior below.

cat scratches man in bed why does my cat sleep with me and not my husband

Why Does My Cat Sleep With Me and Not My Husband?

How Do Cats Choose Who To Sleep With?

It’s important to note that cats prioritize their safety and comfort, especially when it comes to their long hours of sleep. They usually tend to favor the partner who facilitates these needs.

This behavior is also known as Pet Favoritism. It occurs when a shared pet exhibits a preference for one partner over the other.

But before you and your partner start jumping to any conclusions, you should first establish if your cat chooses to sleep with you or just likes that specific spot. A simple switch of sleeping arrangements for the night between you and your partner should help make the answer clear.

Then again, if you find your cat sleeping with you no matter where you rest your head at night, it might be one of the following reasons or all of them.

cat with paw near owner in bed

1. Cats Love a Warm Spot

To be honest, who doesn’t? Even humans can bask in the warmth of the sun for hours. Cats do the same and seek warm sleeping spots. Sometimes pulling their cat mats from one corner of the house to another.

For example, your cat might find a spot in the house that gets direct sunshine and mark that spot as their favorite sleeping area. At night, one particular side of the bed may be better shielded from the cold.

This could be one of the reasons why your cat may choose to sleep on one particular side of the bed. Therefore, giving the impression that they have a favorite.

2. Cats Love Comfort & Safety

Aside from felines being self-sufficient, they are also very particular in their choice of a place to sleep. In most cases, cats have a three-point list of the criteria they need before they get their beauty sleep. They seek comfort, calmness, and safety. This is one of the main reasons cats like to sleep in a ball position.

If your husband is a snorer who tosses and turns or wakes up several times during the night, your cat might feel uncomfortable. Your cat might also feel unsafe sleeping close to them because of their unpredictability.

tabby cat asleep in blanket

3. Does It Make Sense For Your Cat to Sleep With You?

It could just be a matter of logistics. Your cat may have noticed that there is more space on your side of the bed. If you happen to sleep closest to the wall, some kitties would prefer to sleep there because it makes them feel safe and secure.

As safety is important, your side of the bed might be giving your cat the vantage point they need in order to feel calm. If your side is closer to the door, that means your cat has a direct emergency exit point. Generally, this is also why they choose to sleep at the foot of the bed. Your furry friend is simply strategic.

4. Are You Their Safety Net?

If you find your cat spending their sleepy hours perched close to you, this probably means that you offer them the calmness they seek. Perhaps your cat views you as the authority of the house and the person who could protect them.

It doesn’t mean they don’t love your partner. It simply means that you are their ‘next of kin’. If anything happens, they will be running to you first to keep them safe.

Your feline companion perhaps isn’t as comfortable around your partner as they are with you. Cats can be wary of certain people, especially if your partner is a reserved person.

woman with eyes closed curled up with sleepy cat on bed

Keep in mind that most cats will match the energy that is given to them. So, both you and your partner must be mindful of your behavior towards them.

5. Natural Instincts

Your cat may use their instinct from time to time, which leads them to choose their habitats in a way that increases their chances of survival. These choices are tied to their ancestry and genetic make-up. And are hardly influenced by behavioral training.

Cats can express their natural territorial behaviors in various ways. It includes spraying when they’re not neutered, scratching surfaces, and exchanging their scent.

Sleeping with you might be one of these behaviors. Just like a cat will rub their face against you to share its scent, sharing the bed with you might be part of its pack language.

6. Fondness or Attachment

There is also a high probability that your cat may simply have grown fond of the person who spends more time at home. If you work from home and your partner does not, then you are likely the one who feeds and cuddles the cat most of the time.

woman asleep with grey cat in her arms from a distance

7. Do You Share A Special Bond?

There are many reasons why cats will choose one partner over the other.  Often,  it’s not even a choice but natural gravitation.

It may just boil down to you having more playtime with your cat. You may feed them and provide the attention they need while your partner is away. By the time your partner returns, your cat might be in less need of attention.

Spending the night next to you might also be a way of showing how much they appreciate you caring for them throughout the day. But just because your cat chooses to sleep with you and not your partner, it doesn’t mean they love them less or not at all.

The unique ways your cat shows affection to your partner might be different. Some cats might prefer to play with one partner and cuddle and sleep with the other.

woman asleep on bed with arm reached out to cat

Should You Or Your Partner Sleep With Your Cat?

Whether you’re the partner who gets all the love and affection or not, it’s important to consider the pros and cons of sharing your bed with your cat. Below are a few things to keep in mind.


Sleeping with your furry companion is a sign that your cat trusts you. Additionally, many pet owners have claimed that sleeping with their pets was beneficial to their mental state. It reduced their anxiety, stress and deepened the sense of companionship.

Another positive to sleeping with your cat is that cuddling can release oxytocin, the “love” hormone. With so much love in the air and your cat’s soothing techniques, you’ll have a stress-free sleep.

What about that auditory stimulation? Some people listen to crashing waves to fall asleep or nature sounds but luckily for you, the sounds of a purring cat work just as well. Not only does this express that your cat is happy, but they are also helping you meditate.

ginger cat asleep on red cushion


On the other hand, sleeping with your cat could be the reason you’re not getting enough sleep. Light sleepers and people who suffer from insomnia are more likely to be disturbed by their cat’s presence and night activity. So if your partner is one of them, perhaps not sleeping with your cat is a better choice after all.

Cats are great at getting away from danger, but the anxiety of possibly rolling over and forgetting they’re there can be anxiety-inducing. As it turns out, this kind of stress is quite common. A 2014 Australian study, showed that it took longer for pet owners to fall asleep, and they woke up more tired because of it.

Lastly, because cats tend to shed quite a lot, cat hair and dandruff could cause allergic symptoms to flare up. To be safe, make your bedroom a no-go zone.

white cat asleep in human bed with coffee

How To Change Your Cats Sleeping Behaviour

The best way to change your kitty’s behavior is to encourage your husband to take more of an active interest in the cats’ life. Your partner should seek to feed the cat more frequently and spend time every day grooming your cat too.

This method should help your cat build more positive associations with the less favored partner. And over time may lead to your cat happily sleeping with them.

tabby cat asleep with paws outstretched

Final Thoughts on Why Your Cat Sleeps With One Partner Over the Other?

It’s important to treat your cat as part of the family but as an individual too. Allow them to decide on where to sleep for the night.

Sometimes, owners unconsciously pressure their pets to choose which of their parents to sleep beside. Perhaps your cat didn’t want to choose one particular person, but they picked the kitty.

On the other hand, you may prefer to keep your bedroom to yourselves. To establish an equilibrium,  make sure you offer your feline companion a comfy cat bed alternative.

Sleeping with your cat is one of the most wonderful things in the world. But, it should never create turmoil between two pet parents or cause stress to your cat. After all, cats can show their love in many ways, so don’t limit it to just this one.

ginger cat asleep in bed with paws up

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