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83 Funny Cat Quotes (2022): Writers, Satirists, and Artists Reflect on Felines

Cats are the favorite animal in all of petdom – and don’t let dog lovers tell your different. By extension, the entire internet exists only for photos and videos of cats with cat captions, quotes about cat lovers, cat statistics and funny cat quotes.

Many notable and famous writers, comedians, artists, and critical social figures have expressed their admiration for cats, even sometimes through clenched teeth. The general idea remains: we are all in awe and respect of our feline friends. They bring us joy and happiness, true. But they also bring us wisdom.

Perhaps more accurately, we encounter wisdom when we seek to demystify their personalities and behavior. Take this fine collection of funny cat quotes and sayings uttered by famous figures in history and contemporary society. See if any of them ring true for you. Chances are, they all do.

tabby kitten with mouth open

83 Funny Cat Quotes You’ll Love

What Cats Mean and What They’re Telling Us

Cats have an incredible ability to mesmerize and confound. They’ve even invented a language so they could “communicate” with humans. Who knows what they’re on about most of the time? Some have theorized.

  1. “Meow” means “woof” in cat.”― George Carlin

2. “If a cat spoke, it would say things like ‘Hey, I don’t see the problem here.”― Roy Blount Jr.

3. “Cats speak the language of comfort and coolness and therefore we feel comfortable and cool whenever we see a cat!”― Mehmet Murat ildan

4. “If we all learned cat-speak, we would often find they are saying, “You stupid human, I am trying to tell you something important right now!”― Leah Broadby  

white cat with mouth open funny cat quotes

5. “I have lived with several Zen Masters – all of them cats.”― Eckhart Tolle

6. “If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.”― Mark Twain

7. “I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.”― Hippolyte A. Taine

8. “I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?”― Jarod Kintz

tabby siberian with mouth open

9. “If cats could write history, their history would be mostly about cats.”― Eugen Weber

10. “Cats randomly refuse to follow orders to prove they can.”― Ilona Andrews

11. “We talked of mice, the cat and I, and of the importance of napping.”― Catherine Gilbert Murdock

12. “Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons.”― Robertson Davies

cat asleep on stomach

13. “Cats aren’t special advisers. They advise us all the time, whether we want them to or no.”― Tamora Pierce

14. “Cats are absolute individuals, with their own ideas about everything, including the people they own.”― John Dingman

15. “Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.”― Joseph Wood Krutch

Side fact: Cats do vocalize when communicating with humans. In fact, they are known to have up to 100 different vocal sounds. By contrast, dogs (“Man’s best friend”, allegedly) only have 10. So what is it telling you? What is your cat saying? A lot. Probably everything you need to know, actually.

indoor cat breeds siamese web story

Observations About Cats

Science is all about observation. Cats are not very scientific, but they are also fascinating to observe. “What do we know about cats?” a curious soul might ask. Look closely, and you might discover the following truths to be evident in your feline’s behavior.

16. “As my cat would say, all hours are good for sleeping.”― José Saramago, Seeing

17. “Never try to outstubborn a cat.”― Robert A. Heinlein

18. “After dark, all cats are leopards.”― Alison Davies

two cats asleep

19. “Indoor cats don’t lose their wildness, which is one reason I am so fascinated by them. They seem to retain all their jungly qualities no matter what.”― Edward Gorey

20. “Having a bunch of cats around is good. If you’re feeling bad, just look at the cats, you’ll feel better, because they know that everything is, just as it is.”― Charles Bukowski

21. “The smallest feline is a masterpiece.”― Leonardo da Vinci

22. “But you know what cats are like. The place they are is usually the place they want to be.”― A.A. Albright

kitten and pink mouse

23. “Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.”― Oliver Herford

24. “My cat is not insane, she’s just a really good actress.”― P.C. Cast

25. “On the other hand, I think cats have Asperger’s. Like me, they’re very smart. And like me, sometimes they simply need to be left alone.”― Jodi Picoult

26. “In my head, the sky is blue, the grass is green and cats are orange.”― Jim Davis  (creator of Garfield)

Garfield
Garfield

27. “Cats, as you know, are quite impervious to threats.”― Connie Willis

28. “The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer.”― Paula Poundstone

29. “Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”― Mary Bly

30. “Cats are the lap-dancers of the animal world. Soon as you stop shelling out, they move on, find another lap. They’re furry little sociopaths. Pretty and slick — in love with themselves. When’s the last time you saw a seeing-eye cat?”― Andrew Vachss

grey cat sits on woman's lap with blanket reading

31. “Dogs own space and cats own time.”― Nicola Griffith

32. “Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.”― Jeff Valdez

33. “Dogs are like kids. Cats are like roommates.”― Oliver Gaspirtz

34. “Cats have no guilt and very little shame.”― Ursula K. Le Guin

35. “The phrase ‘domestic cat’ is an oxymoron.”― George Will

Side notes: Are cats careful? Well, they do walk on their tippy-toes, sometimes their claws, even. They also sleep up to 14 hours per day. They have the whole thing worked out as far as anyone who knows cats is concerned.

ginger cat on woman's lap stares at her face

Admiration and Reverence of Cats

Let’s just cut to the chase. You’re here because you love cats. Don’t we all? So let’s just indulge for a moment with some of the finest quotes ever put to paper around how wonderful cats are. These just make you want to go out a get more fluffy cat toys for your kitty.

36. “What greater gift than the love of a cat.” ― Charles Dickens

37. “Throw a stick, and the servile dog wheezes and pants and stumbles to bring it to you. Do the same before a cat, and he will eye you with coolly polite and somewhat bored amusement. And just as inferior people prefer the inferior animal which scampers excitedly because someone else wants something, so do superior people respect the superior animal which lives its own life and knows that the puerile stick-throwings of alien bipeds are none of its business and beneath its notice.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

siamese cat walking

38. “There are no ordinary cats.”― Colette

39. “…I regard cats as one of the great joys in the world. I see them as a gift of highest order.” ― Trisha McCagh

40.“My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!”― Greg Curtis

41. “I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through.”― Jules Verne

bengal cat with back arched walking

42. “Dogs have their day but cats have 365.”― Lilian Jackson Braun

Side fact: Bastet is probably the best example of feline reverence in world history. Bastet was an Egyptian depiction of the goddess as a feline – first a lion, but later resembling what we know as the domestic cat. Egyptians also allegedly believed that cats were magical and brought good luck. 

elegant cat coloring page

Why Cats Are Among Us

Humans have often asked: Why are we here? More intelligent humans have asked: What are cats doing here? Smart cats remain mum on the issue, preferring to frustrate us with non-sequiturs and “look at me” distractions. 

The most brilliant humans among us have postulated this:

43. “Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”― Garrison Keillor

44. “I love them, they are so nice and selfish. Dogs are TOO good and unselfish. They make me feel uncomfortable. But cats are gloriously human.”― L.M. Montgomery

woman kisses black cat why does my cat lie on my chest

45. “A cat is only technically an animal, being divine.”― Robert Lynd

46. “Cats didn’t start as mousers. Weasels and snakes and dogs are more efficient as rodent-control agents. I postulate that cats started as psychic companions, as Familiars, and have never deviated from this function.”― William S. Burroughs

Side fact: According to one accepted theory, all domestic cats are descended from the North African or Southwest Asian wildcat. Early domestication records indicate that regions like the Middle East, Egypt, and China saw the earliest instances of cat/human cohabitation.

Cats were likely to spread around the world on boats and ships. They were used to control pests and rodents and protect stores.

lynx point siamese staring at camera

What Cats Do, and What They Don’t Do

Put another way: Anyone who has ever tried to make a cat do something it didn’t want to do will understand these:

47. “I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time.”― Neil Gaiman

48. “Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties.”― W.L. George

tabby cat mouth open and tongue out in front of food bowl

49. “Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”― Mark Twain

50. “A cat will be your friend, but never your slave.”― Theophile Gautier

51. “A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.”― Oliver Gaspirtz

52. “The dog appeals to cheap and facile emotions; the cat to the deepest founts of imagination and cosmic perception in the human mind. It is no accident that the contemplative Egyptians, together with such later poetic spirits as Poe, Gautier, Baudelaire, and Swinburne, were all sincere worshippers of the supple grimalkin.”― H.P. Lovecraft

bengal cat standing up

53. “Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.”― Terry Pratchett

54. “There is no creature better at delicate rudeness than a cat…”― Elizabeth Peters

55. “Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience.”― Pam Brown

56. “No valentines from the cats again.”― Lynne Truss

Lover Valentine persian colourpoint cat with a red heart

57. “When Rome burned, the emperor’s cats still expected to be fed on time.”― Seanan McGuire

58. “Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity.”― Terry Pratchett

Side fact: Although we often joke that cats don’t care for rules, cats can be trained. They are extremely smart, and can actually learn several behaviors. All cat behavior has a purpose – it’s a matter of understanding what your cat does and why. Then you can condition the how.

bengal cat in pink harness

Dealing with Cats

In the never-ending soap opera (or action movie) that is life with a cat, humans need to learn to cope with the pressure. Through the years, we’ve observed and cataloged the best ways in which to make the most of our fate – that is, aside from making sure the cat food is topped up on time. When a cat starts up its daily shenanigans, we react. Here are some tips.

59. “The way to get on with a cat is to treat it as an equal – or even better, as the superior, it knows itself to be.”― Elizabeth Peters

60. “Can I Tinder swipe for cat cuddles?”― Shannon M Mullen

woman cuddles tabby cat

61. “I have found it is surprisingly difficult to remain sad when a cat is doing its level best to sandpaper one’s cheeks.”― R. L. LaFevers

62. “Someone had once told me that a group of cats was called a clowder or a glaring. These were definitely a glaring.”― Sarwat Chadda

63. “One of my biggest fears is that I’m going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans.”― Kelli Jae Baeli

64. “Patience is born to all cats or was it patience is born because of cats? I can never remember.”― James Qualls

grey cut being cuddled under the chin by a human

65. “Tell me having a cat’s affection and a good book doesn’t sound like an ideal evening.”― Kerri Maniscalco

66, “I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.”― Bill Dana

67. “No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch.”― Leo Dworken

black cat curled up on top of couch

68. “Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”― Lloyd Alexander

Side fact: Science suggests that owning a cat is highly beneficial for mental and emotional wellbeing. Interacting with a kitty reduces stress and, of course, creates wonderful life experiences.

california spangled cat
california spangled cat

People and Cats

So, as is the case for a modern-day pet/owner relationship, the interaction between cats and humans is inevitable. That doesn’t mean it’s in any way usual. You see, cat behavior confounds humans at the best of times. Yet, we can learn lessons, and we often do. Consider these fine commentaries on the vagaries of cats and humans.

69. “After all, a woman who doesn’t love cats is never going to make a man happy.”― Orhan Pamuk

70. “He had to give humans credit where it was due – they did seem to have a knack for building interesting places for cats to explore.”― Jim Butcher

lynx point siamese looking up

71. “Cats are people, and the sooner the world accepts that fact, the better off the world will be.”― H. Allen Smith

72. “By associating with the cat, one only risks becoming richer.”― Colette

73. “This is a classic story of the friendship between humans and cats. Yes. I got in a lie right from the start!”― Hiro Mashima

74. “What sort of philosophers are we, who know absolutely nothing of the origin and destiny of cats?”― Henry David Thoreau

norwegian forest cat vs maine coon tabby winking

75. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of a warm house and a well-stocked fridge must be in want of a cat.”― Heather Hacking

76. “The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens.”― Robert A. Heinlein

77. “As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.”― Cleveland Amory

78. “There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person.”― Dan Greenberg

St Patricks Day cat looking at viewer isolated on white background

79. “Let us be honest: most of us rather like our cats to have a streak of wickedness. I should not feel quite easy in the company of any cat that walked around the house with a saintly expression.”― Beverley Nichols

80. “One reason that cats are happier than people is that they have no newspapers.”― Gwendolyn Brook

81. “Sleep is like a cat: It only comes to you if you ignore it.”― Gillian Flynn

82. “Are cats strange animals or do they so resemble us that we find them curious as we do monkeys?”― John Steinbeck

83. “A lie is like a cat: you need to stop it before it gets out the door or it’s really hard to catch.”― Charles M. Blow

Ginger cat staring at self in mirror

How long do cats live? How to get a cat to eat? How to train a cat not to bite? How often do cats pee? and How to Pet a Cat.


Side fact: It’s been a 12 000 year relationship, and it feels like we’re only beginning to understand each other somewhat now. It’s safe to see cats and humans are in it for the long run.

Final Thoughts on Cat Quotes

A few things are certain: There are probably as many quotable cat sayings as there are actual cats in the world. There are certainly about ten times as many photos of cats around the internet as there are cats (it’s why the internet was invented).

Whether it’s a funny jibe or a good-natured insult or rib, underneath it all lies a deep love and appreciation of our favorite pets. Ultimately, cats just like to get along, live their life and not be too bothered. It is how it should be.

Do you have any more fabulous quotes about cats to share? Spill the catnip in the comments below.

Ginger cat upside down on a scratching tree why do cats chase their tails
Amazing where you can end up when you chase your tail

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